This is YOUR week to… take some space.
Sierra and I spend on average about 23 hours a day together. We sleep together, eat together, work together, play together and… you guessed it… sometimes fight together. It can be a challenge sometimes to stay in the best state of mind with one another. After a while, you just need a little space. Can you relate?
What we have found by monitoring our patterns is that there are clear cycles that we experience in our relationship. The first is after we have a really joyful connected stretch of time together and then notice that a few days later we’re nit picking at each other for no good reason. The second is after about a six week period of spending loads of time together, business or otherwise, we simply need a break.
Usually, the the latter can be resolved with a simple C.O.E (Change Of Environment). This can take the form of a road trip for a night or daytime adventure to somewhere new and interesting. However when the nit picking and negative attitude kicks in, we know we need something more serious to remedy the situation. And the prescription is good old fashioned SPACE from one another.
By spending a few or more days apart we give ourselves the capacity to rediscover our own selves and get clear on any unresolved issues or old beliefs that have been getting in the way our of connection and joy.
Gay Hendricks in his book “The Big Leap” calls this issue the upper limit. Our upper limit is triggered by having to much bliss at one time. Gay states that humans are all programmed with a limiter on just how much awesomeness we can accept at one time into our lives. We are actually more comfortable as a race to be miserable. (Just look at the history of our people!)
If we have too much fun, or get too close with another, eventually we create situations that will flip the “upper limit” switch so that we can find something wrong with the situation or person.
There are countless reasons why this happens but the core understanding is that knowing that we are programed to only be able to handle so much happiness at a time, helps Sierra and I to become aware of what is behind the breakdown that almost always follows a period of joy and bliss.
(Watch Sierra’s video below for a deeper explanation of this and a real life example of this in action in our lives.)
The BEST solution we have personally have found to combat the “upper limit blues” is… space.
Here are a few key ways that we have found to create immediate space in our relationship (and minds) so that we can move through this “contraction” much faster, and back to our happy place.
1. Make time for YOU!
If you’ve been acting all funky, you’re probably fallen off some sort of routine that helps keep you in a state of well being. Now would be a good time to get back in nature, take that spinning class, start writing in your journal again or get back in touch with those super fun girlfriends that you haven’t seen in a while. Making time for activities that balance you and get you back to homeostasis is KEY to keeping that happy party going strong.
2. Give yourself space to think.
Space can mean making time for meditation, reconnecting to your body and spirit with a yoga class, reading an inspiring book or even sleeping in a separate bed from your significant other. When you give yourself the space to think, feel or be alone you can find a lot more peace in your life. With this peace you can then show up more powerfully with your relationships and experience more and more bliss.
3. Be available for the healing
Going through dip of any sort is always challenging on some level. When you find yourself in a negative state, know that there is information available to you for a deeper healing of mind, body and soul. Instead of getting swept up in the bad mood, do your best to be a witness to the process and know that there is precious information in the experience. And when all else fails, remember this mantra… This too shall pass!
Since this is YOUR week to have more space, what will you do create that in your life?
Notice how you feel when others leave, or when you are alone. Let us know what you do to settle into that space and if you have any tips for us. SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS HERE